9 or 10 days before basic training
He's not even gone yet and all day long I felt this ache, an empty pain in my chest. I pushed it aside and ignored it all day. I don't want to show it to the kids. Kris put them to bed and I went in after to say goodnight and give them water. While giving them water the barrier I put up started to break and tears started leaking. I maintained an even and happy tone of goodnight loves but I was rushing to get out of there before the dam broke. I went to our room where he was laying in bed reading on his phone. I clung to him and wept, feeling the ache and emptiness of missing him even though he's here in my arms. In this moment I can see the first several weeks after he leaves, me a lonely mess, pining for his company and strength. I'm not motivated to do anything and this is reflected in the clutter and mess accumulating throughout the house which only adds to my stress and loneliness. This is a possible outcome that is depressing, subjecting myself to self pity and he