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Paisley’s spelling

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3/10/21 I know Paisley struggles with spelling but she’s only in 2nd grade so I don’t expect it to be too great. But tonight we had some friends over and she got upset and went and wrote in her diary to help her process the emotions. I came across it and took a look at what she wrote and I can only make out parts of it because I know the context  (Her friend was giving them scores as they did gymnastics moves)   But lots of it is gibberish to me. This is the first time I’ve been able to see what her true writing is. The only time she writes is for school and she’s always asking how to spell or looking around to copy the words. This was TOTALLY me as a young girl through high school! It wasn’t until middle of college that everything just started clicking and getting easier and I still heavily rely on auto correct or spell check. So maybe I should be getting her help? Here’s a Picture of her writing  “Hey diary, I have my friends over ____ we’re playing gymnastics. I’m the best but my si
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Journal entry, hard times

 1/30/2021 Tonight I allowed myself to acknowledge some emotions... I’m going to bed and re-reading Kris’ latest letter. Missing him. I start wishing he was here. This is hard. Keeping the house clean is hard. Feeding the family is difficult to do when things are messy and cluttered. I don’t want to cook and make a mess when there is already a mess. But when things are clean I also don’t want to make a new mess. There’s just no winning. If only Carol was here. She was so good at all of that. She would visit and help me, if she were here. I’ve been asking the girls to clean their room for days. This is how is always goes. I ask them to clean and they don’t listen. I want them to play and I don’t want them to spend their precious time crying and upset that they have to clean up. So I created systems to help with that- like only one thing out at a time. Put away barbies before you get out legos. But do they listen???!! No! Then their mess creeps out of their room to the play area then dow
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Basic Training

 Ship date is 11/2 but he left us on 11/1 Last day, The Goodbye- Around 6:30pm Adeline and I dropped Kris off at a hotel. Adeline had to go potty so we went in. There were friends and family there hanging out with their soldier. We didn’t know you could do that. Apparently the movie he had to be there to see (which he’s already seen 3 other times) didn’t start until 9pm. So he had to be there to check in at 7pm but then wait around until 9. I guess the other families knew that and took advantage of the time. I left Paisley, Cooper and Raegan at home with a friend. (Paisley and Cooper chose to stay home and Adeline chose to come drop off Kris.) We stayed for a few minuets but needed to get back to put the kids to bed. It was hard. I didn’t want to let go. Kris walked us back out to the van and said goodbye to Adeline. We got her in her car seat then I stood outside the van to say my final goodbye. When I got back in the van Adeline told me how much she already missed him and was startin
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9 or 10 days before basic training

He's not even gone yet and all day long I felt this ache, an empty pain in my chest. I pushed it aside and ignored it all day. I don't want to show it to the kids. Kris put them to bed and I went in after to say goodnight and give them water. While giving them water the barrier I put up started to break and tears started leaking. I maintained an even and happy tone of goodnight loves but I was rushing to get out of there before the dam broke. I went to our room where he was laying in bed reading on his phone. I clung to him and wept, feeling the ache and emptiness of missing him even though he's here in my arms.  In this moment I can see the first several weeks after he leaves, me a lonely mess, pining for his company and strength. I'm not motivated to do anything and this is reflected in the clutter and mess accumulating throughout the house which only adds to my stress and loneliness. This is a possible outcome that is depressing, subjecting myself to self pity and he
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Grandma Carol and the Bear

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12/15/2018   Making build a bear 1  2/8/2018 https://youtu.be/Cd3ptloCCio Making build a bear 2  https://youtu.be/_F_AiatbLhk Grandma Bear 8/30/2020 https://youtu.be/YEqmXVXYdMw If Build-a-Bear ever finds this post they’ll probably have some good advertising material. In 2018 my Mother-in-law’s cancer was back and she was going through treatments again. Though she lived in Denver she would frequently travel to Houston, where we lived, for treatment at MD Anderson Cancer Center. It was a blessing to be able to see her so much and spend that time with her though it was a bittersweet circumstance. Pancreatic cancer is painful. The treatment is aggressive and even while in remission she suffered daily with terrible pain. She was so strong putting up with it for 5 years. Paisley was just 10 months old in the summer of 2013 when they first discovered the cancer. Bill and Carol were living abroad in Antofagasta Chile. Carol came home for a health check and then was going to travel to Spokane,
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Gratitude

 Gratitude Kris and I recently watched “The Promise” about the Armenian geniside. I do’nt know how I’ve lived my hwhole life and this was the first time I’ve learned about it. I have several friends who service LDS misssions in Armenia and I’ve heard them mention the geniside but that’s all I knew, that there was one. Watching this movie was awaking. I found myself recgonizing my blessings and truly feeling blessed for having them. There is a meme on social media, the picture is a light switch, a sink, a thermostat and refreidgerator- all have a Christmas bow on them. The caption reads, “presents when you’re trying to get out of debt”. These things really are amazing gifts, even luxuries. To have electricity, running watch, Heating/cooling, food, indoor plumbing- things that we take for granted because it’s become a basic staple to our way of life. And while I “know” that these are things I should be grateful for I was having a hard time actually generating that emotion. I guess I view
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Polly Pocket Birthday Party

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Polly Pocket is quickly gaining in popularity. My girls aren't exempt from the craze, they're obsessed! Thanks to the Netflix Polly Pocket series and Mattel's fantastic YouTube Polly Pocket channel (seriously it's actually fun and bearable to watch) they want to collect them all. One daughter, after talking about a Frozen 2 birthday party for a year, wanted to have a Polly Pocket Birthday Party 🤦‍♀️. Ok! Fine, I'll change tracks and plan a Polly Pocket Party. Nevermind that months ago I bought frozen 2 party favors, cause Dollar Tree had tons of stuff 🤣. Here's the problem though... There's NO Polly Pocket merchandise- anywhere!! The only thing you can find anywhere online are the actual polly pocket toys and ONE Etsy account that will sell you a digital file for a party invitation, cupcake toppers and a “Happy Birthday” sign. That’s it! What did you just say?.. “maybe you didn’t look that hard”. No. Girl let me tell you- Google, Party City, Amazon, Walmar
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